So, I am 32 weeks now. Hope is now 4 and 1/2 pounds! We didn't know if she'd ever get this big, but she's growing at a normal rate. Also, up until now, we've been seeing a pretty large growth on her face next to her nose. The doctors never could tell us what this was, or what caused it, but we don't have to worry about that anymore, b/c on today's ultrasound, it was gone! Yes, just gone! He couldn't really explain it, but it definitely wasn't there anymore, and her legs and arms are reading at almost 35 weeks! She's got her mommy's legs! I swear she hates these ultrasounds, every time we get one, she kicks the probe the whole time! The girl that was giving it to me couldn't believe it.
So today we spoke to our high risk doctor, genetic counselor, and a neonatologist. We thought we had our decisions made, but they gave us so much to think about. They were wanting to know what we wanted them to do for her, and we realized, we weren't quite sure yet. One thing we need to decide is if her heart rate starts dropping, do we want an emergency c-section. I hadn't thought of this, and am torn about what to do. They were explaining to us that if I did, I wouldn't be able to hold her, and I'd be really out of it, and probably wouldn't remember much of her delivery at all. Due to this, I'm pretty sure c-section is ruled out. I can't imagine missing her only moments alive, or not being able to hold her as soon as she's born. I wouldn't even be able to get out of bed and go to the NICU to see her if that were the case. Vaginal delivery is very important to me, but they're not sure if I'll be able to due to the size of her head. (it's reading 34 weeks) One suggestion was to get induced a little earlier, so that her head wouldn't be as big as it would be if I waited. I just pray everything works out as far as this goes, I would hate to miss the experience of a normal delivery.
Now to our biggest decision, do we want her put on life support if need be? This is where we're really torn. According to the neonatologist (NICU worker) if she's not already breathing on her own and they put her on breathing tubes, it would only be prolonging the inevitable. We'd either have to turn around and take her off of it, or she'd probably never be able to breathe on her own. He said usually the only reason they would put a baby on life support is if they think they can somehow change the outcome or help the baby by doing so, but in our case, he doesn't think it would help matters, however if that is our wishes, they would do so. He said he anticipates her being able to breathe on her own, then the only issue would be feeding, due to the clefting. He said they'd put her on a tube for the time-being, just until we could hopefully get her to take to a special feeding bottle. He said that usually if baby's lungs are formed properly, which hers are so far, they don't have problems breathing. So hopefully, feeding will be the only issue. But we have to make a decision as to whether to put her on life support if things don't go well. We thought we had already made this decision, but after all we heard today, we are torn. Scott said these appointments take so much out of him, and it's true. So here we are, approaching our due date, praying for wisdom to know what to do for her. I hope everyone will keep praying for us as we try to come to some decisions, pray for little Hope to keep doing good, and feel free to let me know how you feel about all this.