I know I haven't written in a while. It's hard to find the words lately. Scott had to go back to work today. We've been dreading this day. I'm handling it better than I thought I would, though. We all went to church yesterday morning. The church has been so good to us. Everyone has. I never realized just how many people care about us and are there for us when we need it. We plan to try and get pregnant again in about 6 more months. Probably in January. I just pray we have another little girl, because between Chloe and Hope, we have everything we need for a little girl, but nothing for a boy. My doctors have a whole plan laid out for me, they are very determined to help us have a successful pregnancy. I have to stay on folic acid and baby aspirin from here on out. (I have a disorder called MTHFR that puts me at high risk for blood clots.) And they want me on heparin shots as soon as I found out I'm pregnant, which will be inserted straight into my stomach every day of my pregnancy. Yuck! It'll be worth it, though. We love and miss our little Hope every day, but we know where she is and we know we couldn't have given her a better home. It's just like the Pastor said at church, she wouldn't come back for anything. She's in heaven with her big sister now. We love and miss you both...

Bereavement Announcements

I had some bereavement announcements made for Hope. I couldn't choose between the two, so I just got some of both. We have decided to put "Our Hope Is With The Lord" on Hope's headstone. If anyone would like to send us your condolences, our address is in the link to the right under Hope's Memorial Fund.

We'll Miss You Hope

Hope's memorial service was beautiful. It was raining all morning before it started, but then the rain cleared just long enough for the service. Pastor Dewey Mars said a few words. It was pretty hard doing that all over again. It seems like just yesterday we were doing this for Chloe. We were able to get the spot right next to Chloe's grave, so we were happy about that. Mrs Becky set up a dining area at the church which was also beautiful. This morning I found myself very upset. I have my good days, but then I have my bad ones. Thanks to my mom and sister, though, I was able to get out of the house and do some more things for Hope. Scott and I both feel like we're just in a dream. He's been so great through all of this...

Memorial Service

So today we went and set up all the final arrangements for Hope. For anyone that doesn't know yet, it's going to be held at Memory Park at 10 on Tuesday under the gazebo. Everyone that would like to join is more than welcome to. Her obituary is going to be in the Press Gazette on Wednesday. There's also a memorial fund set up for her to help with funeral and gravestone costs. You can see all the details by clicking the link to the right. Flowers can be sent to the Lewis Funeral Home.

I was able to finish her scrapbook and will probably bring it to the service so that everyone can see it. It was such a pleasure putting something together for her. We have a busy day today, we are about to go see about getting a flower arrangement for the casket. Thanks again to everyone who's been helping us through this. Hope to see you all tomorrow.

Jacqueline Ward Images

So this morning I found myself really eager to see the pictures we had made of Hope right after she was born,so I emailed Jackie and asked her if she could send me just one of them so I could get a sneak peek. They're not supposed to be ready for 3 weeks but by tonight, she had already sent me three! This one was my favorite. We are so grateful that there are organizations like Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep that do this for people. Nothing means more to us than to have these wonderful memories of our beautiful little girl. You can see Jackie's website by clicking on the link to the left.

Tomorrow we're supposed to go to the funeral home and make all the arrangements. We are not looking forward to this, as this was one of the hardest things we had to do when we lost Chloe. But we are getting a lot of help from the church with the service. I want to thank Mrs. Becky for everything she's doing for us. She's supposed to go decorate the gazebo for us, and she made arrangements for us to have a gathering at the church afterwards. We have had so much support through all of this, it really helps a lot knowing we have so many people there for us. My poor mom, we've been running her ragged. She's been busy running all the food over here that people are making us, and picking up pictures for us, and really whatever we need. Thanks Mom.

Everyone is still invited to the Memorial Service being held at Memory Park on Tuesday at 10. Thank you again for all the prayers and support. Tomorrow's going to be a rough day...

Celebrating The Life Of Little Hope

So today I've spent most of the day doing stuff for my baby girl. Scott, my sister and I all went to the store and had all 150 pictures of Hope printed out, and I also got a beautiful scrapbook and photo album for her. I find myself dealing with this loss the same as I did Chloe's. The only thing that keeps me going is doing stuff for her. I have had so much fun working on her scrapbook. It's so amazing to me how we grieve sometimes. I would think that I would just be depressed and crying, but out of nowhere I find so much strength and I'm able to deal with this better than I thought. For now, anyway. I find myself celebrating her life more than I do mourning her death. We have a service set up for her Tuesday at 10 a.m. We have decided to let everyone that wants to be there come. We have had so much support through all of this and we feel like the least we can do is let everyone come celebrate her life with us. It's going to be held at Memory Park under the gazebo. There is going to be a fund set up for us, so anyone that wants to help out with the funeral and gravestone costs can. I'll have more information about this on Monday. I want to thank everyone that's sent us food. It's been a great help. Everyone has been so great to us and we want you to know that it does not go unnoticed. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Precious Moments With Hope

So, I assume that by now everyone knows that our little Hope has went to be with her big sister Chloe in Heaven. We were praying and hoping that she would make it here with us, but unfortunately that was not the case. She was definitely a fighter, though. She defeated the odds just by making it to full term. It was the saddest day of my life, but also the sweetest day. We didn't spend much time with Chloe after she was born due to the trauma of the situation, but we were able to go into this labor prepared and made the best of it. I kept little Hope for 22 hours! After the family went home, and we were moved to a recovery room, just me, Hope and her daddy, I was able to settle down and just be with her for as long as I wished. So, I slept with her all night, well 'til about 4 when I couldn't sleep anymore, then we kept her all day until we were discharged. I spent most of the day lying in bed just staring at my baby girl, and the rest of the day taking tons of pictures of her and just cherishing her very presence. Words can not explain how it felt to spend that precious time with her. Everyone at the hospital treated us so good. I had a nurse that worked overtime just to be the one there with us when she was born. She arrived at 7:28 p.m. (Chloe was born at 7:26 p.m.) weighing in at 5lbs. 11.8oz. and she was 21 1/4" long. She had the longest arms and legs I've ever seen on a newborn! And she had big feet and hands. Just like her mommy! She was more perfect than I could have ever imagined.

I want to thank everyone for all the support and prayers we have been getting. It helps a lot to know that there are so many of you there for us.

Little Hope is in Heaven with big sister Chloe. We are sad, but we know that all things still work together for our good and God's glory. Please keep Ruth and Scott in your prayers in the days ahead. Thank you for caring and for praying.

Hope's Almost Here

So, tomorrow's the big day! Scott and I are just sort of in a daze right now. We went out to dinner earlier tonight and have been rushing around getting everything ready all day. I can't believe we finally get to meet our little girl tomorrow. My mom just called me and told me they had a special prayer for Hope tonight at church. And she's getting some help with starting a prayer chain for us. We can't express how grateful we are for everyone's support and prayers. I hope everyone will praying especially hard for us tomorrow. Right now, I'm okay, but I know I'm going to be a wreck in the morning. I don't think it's really hit me yet that this is all finally happening. I'm too tired right now from everything we've been doing today. I think I might actually be able to get some sleep. I know I need to before our big day tomorrow. So, you probably won't hear from me for a while, but my sister is going to try and put an update on here tomorrow night.